R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
