so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
