she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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