I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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