Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
