vagina is talking i cant
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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