yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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