I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
