You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
