he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
