Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
