Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
