My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
