I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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