You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
