Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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