Plan B is the new Plan A
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
