I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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