At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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