I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
