I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
