The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
