I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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