On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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