her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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