Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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