Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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