I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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