I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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