the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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