11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Randomize
