Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
