hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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