idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
