Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
