i don't plan on having that self control this summer
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
