She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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