The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
