this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
