ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
