we have officially lost it.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
