Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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