I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
false alarm, still single
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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