He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
