repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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