Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
