well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
