When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
