I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
as a side note pls kill me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
