I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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