a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
