textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
