so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
